|
11/29 - Friday
No chemo, Doc gave me today off. Talk about a lot to be thankful for...spent
very enjoyable, relaxing Thanksgiving with Jen's family.
11/28 - Thursday
Happy Thanksgiving.
11/25 - Monday
Back at Coast Guard work. Without chemo last Friday and no side-effects to deal
with, this week is looking good.
11/23 - Saturday
Today its a cool, crisp 60-degrees in Florida. While that pales in comparison
to the true winters felt up north, its a big deal to the southern folks - the
sweatshirts are coming out, the hot coffee brewing...its finally fall down
here. I think most folks are happy for the change.
This morning, Jen is out teaching one of her flute students, I'm at home
testing out a new color of paint. I'm feeling great - except for the usual numb
hands and feet, I feel no side effects today (these days are wonderful).
"Ave Maria" is on the stereo...I'm giving a good listen to some new
holiday CDs we bought while I finish our long overdue painting job.
As that song played on...I just stopped to listen. The harp, flute and angelic
voice on this album were amazing. Through most of my cancer news, I've usually
been solid and strong in the company of others. But tears sometimes fall when
I'm all alone...it just gets a little tough now and then.
Well, that song did it for me. I just sat down, put the brush on the tray, put
my head in my hands and let it go. If I tried for a year, I could never
describe the peaceful, warm and thankful feelings I'm experiencing right now.
In an instant I felt surrounded, wrapped in invisible arms of peace and
strength. I felt God wouldn't ask me to carry a burden I wasn't given the
strength enough to carry. And if the time came for more, to have patience and
know that I would be given all I needed to carry on and persevere through any
pain, fear or uncertainty.
I am deeply moved and always thankful that God has decided to keep me around
this long...past the initial 9-month prognosis, past all the side effects,
still here to enjoy more of this life with Jen, family and friends, fulfilling
whatever His plan is for me...and heading into such a sacred, wonderful season.
I love my life...and will fight hard to live to see more of it.
This is the perfect time for Thanksgiving. No side effects or rotten taste can
take away the degree of gratitude I feel...to look outside, see the sun shining
in our windows and know its all a gift...just for today...just for us. At least
for me...each day is just one big present wrapped in a sunrise, delivered with
the noon breeze and opened with afternoon shadows. Sounds a bit wimpy and
waxing poetic...but for me, its so true. Every moment of that daily gift is a
moment to cherish with all that I have. I hope the life I live leaves behind
something of eternal value somewhere along the line...somehow, in some small
way, saying thanks to God for the gift of being alive to have enjoyed it all.
O.k...[big sigh]...now back to painting before Jen gets home.
Thanks for reading this and sticking close.
11/22 - Friday
No chemo, regular week off.
Took day off from work. Jen and I did some early Christmas shopping - had a
great time together. Mall was empty, no crazy shoppers, shelves were stocked
with all the good stuff. Had lunch out and came home loaded with stuff to make
the season fun...wrapping paper, candles, decorations...all the trappings. We
love the Thanksgiving-Christmas time...and are relishing every moment of each
day as November slowly slides into December. The air is cool and our spirits
are light.
God is good. The depth of thanks in our hearts for every second that we are
given breath to breathe is more than we can describe.
11/15 - Friday
Chemo #22
My fingers and feet are still numb. My hands are moving more slowly.
Handwriting is all but gone for now - they say it will come back. Typing used
to be super fast, but I make many mistakes and have to hit the "Back"
key alot more. I'm getting the hang of it. Sort of like talking in the winter
back home in Minnesota when its really cold outside - your mouth slows down and
its like you're trying to talk through peanut butter. That's what my fingers
feel like all the time now. I'll let you know when it improves.
Thanks for your continued prayers. We also have a lot to be thankful for this
Thanksgiving. With out boys and girls in uniform at war around the globe...keep
your safety in mind and whisper thanks for their efforts.
11/12-11/14
Back at work.
11/8 - 11/11
Took a few days off - lying low after a rough chemo session. For some reason,
nausea caught up with me this time. It subsided by Tuesday...then back to work.
11/7 - Thursday
Chemo #21 - #1 of new line.
The chemo day is shorter with fewer drugs - 3 hours instead of 8. Jen is by my
side as always, and her great brother John travelled 300 miles to be with us as
well.
Chemo was fairly normal - only threw up once at the end. It started with some
common "pre-meds" - small amounts of anti-nausea and some protective
agents for my stomach and GI tract. Then the Epirubicin was given using a 10
minute "push" - its just a bit syringe with about a pint of liquid
injected directly into my IV line. Its red and looks like cherry Kool-Aid. It
made my urine red...no clue why. Then the Taxotere IV bottle took about an
hour. They put my fingers in ice water to prevent the blood flow to my
fingertips. One of Taxotere's side effects makes my fingernails brittle,
yellow/brown, and possibly fall off. So limiting the presence of the drug in
that region helps my daily quality of life. The ice water hurts, but its only
temporary.
At the end, I wasn't quite so "beat up" like I normally am...but I
was sleepy and my mouth didn't taste very good. I threw up once before I left,
and it contained a small amount (1/4 cup) of fresh blood....that stomach tumor
is still bleeding from the chemo. That's a good thing...not pleaseant, but a
good thing.
When I got home, I napped for a few hours. The abdominal pain I had been
feeling from tumor activity had subsided. I guess the internal battle is back
on...and this hit of chemo knocked the tumors back into their corner a bit.
Good news. I'm groggy, but the growing abdominal pain has subsided.
I'll keep you posted...the battle continues.
11/6 - Wednesday
Work day. Didn't have much appetite...gotta get my game face back.
In the evening, I got a couple calls from dear friends. Thanks guys.
11/5 - Tuesday
PET scan results were not good.
Jen and I are a bit numb...so I'll just let you read the radiologist report for
yourself:
"FINDINGS: Multiple new [tumor activity] within the liver. The largest one
was seen on previous exam in the posterior segment of the right lobe, but is in
fact larger on today's exam. Additionally, one higher in the liver is seen in
the more lateral right lobe and a third one is seen more inferiorly. There is
also extensive FDG accumulation (tumor activity) in the region of the GE
junction extending into the gastric fundus. A large area of FDG accumulation
(tumor activity) is seen in the periaortic/paracaval region (lymph nodes
surrounding the heart - aorta and inferior vena cava) at the level of T12.
There is otherwise normal physiologic distribution in the axial and peripheral
skeleton (bone marrow normalized in comparison to previous exam), as well as
the remainder of the GI, GU tracts and soft tissues.
IMPRESSION: Findings suggest progression of disease with worsening liver
metastases, paracaval/periaortic adenopathy and locoregional recurrence as
described above."
What does that mean?
Over the past 6 weeks or so - the tumors that were shrinking and dying decided
to wake up and fight back. Its commonly called tumor resistance. The only
option is to switch chemo regimens and hit them from another angle...in a
different way.
There is no alternative...so here we go. Its like we're starting the war all
over again, but our opponents (tumor cells) are a bit smarter to our ways. The
tumors are smaller than when we first started in March - but that only buys so
much time. They need to respond to the chemo to be able to obtain a cure. Not
responding - no matter how small the tumors are - is not good. Its called
"progressive disease" which is what eventually kills cancer patients.
The new regimen has two drugs instead of four; the new ones are called Taxotere
and Epirubicin. I am now considered on "line two" of my chemotherapy...there
can be several lines you go through during the entire course of treatment.
Like most chemo agents, Taxotere interferes with cell division. Specifically,
it damages microctubules which are vital structures involved in cell division.
Taxotere has historically been used on breast cancer patients - but is more
recently being used in gastric cancer patients.
Epirubicin is used in the treatment of many cancers and poses a variety of
common side effects - low blood cell count, hair loss, nausea, etc.
The chemo cycle will be the same as before - two weeks on, one week off - taken
on Friday.
I'll tell you more as I know it. But for now, we simply appreciate your
continued prayers as we enter this next, slightly more difficult stage of our
battle.
God is still in control - our faith is not shaken. I have no idea why the
tumors changed and began responding adversely - so its not a happy time for us.
Was it from lack of something - prayer, green tea, vitamins, exercise? Who
knows.
But my job has always been to just keep on going, trying to take care of myself
(I need to do better), seeking your prayers and trust the excellent medical
team to do their best on me. I told my oncologist he's either going to see me
cured, or see me in a box...and I don't want to check out anytime soon, so
let's keep fighting. He agreed.
We certainly can't solve this alone....so thanks for the continued support.
11/1 - Friday
No chemo.
|
