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May 2003

6/3 - Tuesday

PET scan

5/30 - Friday

I got a copy of the stress test results and CT scan.

The problem associated with my heart seems a bit more serious that I thought.  The stress test report indicated:

"Positive electrocardiographic evidence of acute myocardial injury during stress testing.  This resolved by the end of the stress test.  This finding is concerning for high-grade coronary artery disease in the inferior distribution versus coronary vasospasm."

Hmmm...questions.

There was also a mass detected at the head of the pancreas.  More on that after next week's PET scan.

5/29 - Thursday

CT scan results concluded there was not a mass of cancerous lymph nodes pushing on my heart/lungs.  (in fact, only one mediastinum lymph node was enlarged) 

So the pain in my chest (which occurs mainly during exertion/elevated heart rate) was determined to be from one of my chemo drugs (Xeloda) causing occasional vasospasms...which restrict blood flow to the heart muscle.  Sometimes such blood flow restrictions can damage the heart longer term.  To reduce the risk of vasospasms from this chemo drug - and thereby reduce the risk of heart damage - I'm being put on another drug called Norvasc.  Its a calcium channel blocker designed to reduce chest pain (angina) and vasospasms, primarily for patients with high blood pressure.  

All this might change next week when I get a PET scan, since the results of that scan will determine if this chemo is working, and if I remain on this protocol.

What a circus.

[a note on our research - we discovered the end to this trail in two ways:  (1) by our oncologist consulting with the cardiology staff at Cleveland Clinic, some of the best in the world, and (2) by researching heart-related issues like ischemia (restriction of cardiac blood flow/oxygen) including silent ischemia, angina (chest pain), Prinzmetal's angina (transient vs. chronic chest pain), and coronary vasospasms.]

5/28 - Wednesday

CT scan - to determine if the pressure in my chest is tumors growing around my esophagus.

5/27 - Tuesday

I had a stress test today to determine the cause of chest pain I've been feeling.

Here's what happened:

They hooked me up with electrodes, and had me walk/run on a treadmill to exhaustion.   I made it to stage 4 of 7 stages.  Each stage is 3 minutes - and increases in speed and elevation from the prior stage.  A local star marathoner recently made it to stage 6.  (Jen said she made it to stage 7 before - not sure if they are the same test).  At stage 4, my pulse was 198 and my lungs were burning.  

During those late stages - I experienced an 'ST' segment elevation on my EKG.  What does that mean - good question.  Here's what we found online - its a bit complicated, but its how we learn how to manage things (Jen can actually understand this):

1. Myocardial "injury," i.e. ongoing or recentinfarction; usually concave down
2. Pericarditis
   1. Diffuse ST segment elevation (us. flat or concave up) together with PR segment depression. ST elevation reflects inflammation of the ventricular subepicardial layer and PR segment depression reflects inflammation of the atrial subepicardial layer
   2. TWI can be seen in pericarditis but us. not until the ST elevation has resolved, so TWI accompanying ST elevation is probably not due to pericarditis
3. "Reciprocal changes" representing ischemia in other leads--see Ischemia
4. Hyperkalemia (not necessarily in all leads)
5. Ventricular aneurysm (suspect if ST elevation persists > 6wks after MI)
6. Prinzmetal's angina (transient, during chest pain)
7. "J point" elevation aka "early repolarization" --concave-upward; normal variant; particularly in V1-3
8. "Proximity effect": V2, sometimes also V1 and V3, thought to reflect an artifact of proximity to heart.

So - long story short - my oncologist consulted with the cardiologist and thinks vasospasms caused by one of my chemo drugs is possibly causing my periodic chest pain - and the ST segment elevation.   Might be time to switch chemo - but too early to tell without a CT scan.   If the chemo is working (indicated by minimal tumors on my CT scan), I'll have to take a drug (a calcium channel blocker) to counteract chemo's free-radical damage to my heart.

I'll learn more after tomorrow's CT scan.

5/26 - Monday

Memorial Day.  Remember our fallen heroes.

Bone pain from Taxol started today - as usual.  Tylenol helps take the edge off...but it makes for another sleepless night.

Jen and I actually did a few laps in the pool...lots of grills around...can smell all the BBQ.   Gotta get up and at 'em right away...the pain and crummy feeling eventually goes away...actually a bit faster the more active I can be.  Its a strange paradox, but it seems to work out that way.

5/25 - Sunday

Fever broke...went to church.  It didn't feel good to be sitting up quite this soon, but it was worth it.

Thanks for your continued prayers.

5/24 - Saturday

Laying flat still feels good, though I'm more up and about today.  Fighting off that fever last night didn't help my sleep much.  Tossed and turned.  And the cats were sleeping on me...that didn't help much.

5/23 - Friday

Chemo #39.

Chemo session went o.k.  Threw up as usual at first - I think I coughed up part of a tumor...it was a bloody lump of something.   Nice, huh?   It really hurt. I then tried to relax for the rest of the 5 hours.  Fighting off a fever from working too much this week...I think I caught something mild.    Jen was by my side, as usual.   I have no idea how she does it.  Our nurses, Nichole and Johann were great...caring as ever.   I am surrounded by really, really good people.

I'm a bit loopy from the pre-meds...so that's it for tonight.

5/22 - Thursday

I saw a Navy safety magazine yesterday at work...the kind that highlights all the stupid stunts people pull...and how to avoid them.  Well the cover story was about an 18-yr old girl in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver.  Fire burned 60% of her body, she lived...but has no face...no nose, no ears, bald head, no lips, no eyelids, only one eye that partially works, no hands.  Every day for the past two years, her father has put drops in her eyes every two hours - all day and all night - to keep her eyes from drying out.  Her skin feels like constant sunburn.  She sleeps with a body glove to keep from rubbing on the sheets...she cannot roll over.  She's had 40 surgeries in two years.  She'll be almost totally dependent for life...cannot touch except with her feet.  She fights constant pain, every day.  But she's fighting to come back...to somehow use her hands and eyes...inside, her mind is sharp and she it totally alive.   What odds...what strength. 

Just when I think life is getting a little tough...God shows me what tough really is.

5/18 - Sunday

Church.  Feeling good, my two weeks of Xeloda stopped yesterday (6 pills per day).  Its making the skin on my fingers and toes crack.  I guess that's common - called Hand to Foot syndrome. or something like that.

Don't cows get foot-and-mouth disease?  Great...now I'm getting animal side-effects.  I can feel a tail growing already.

Thanks for your continued prayers.  I'm feeling o.k. - tired, but o.k.

Jen and I went out for a nice lunch together by the ocean after church - then did some shopping in a beach-side mall.  I ran into a nice shirt, Jen liked it.  But it was so smooth that my port in my chest showed through it.  I didn't buy it - didn't want the constant reminder.  

I hate cancer.

5/17 - Saturday

More social events (what's the deal?).  This one a celebration for a couple of special kids, now young adults, Jaclyn and Ryan.

p.s.  I have many e-mails to catch up on.  I'm getting there - be patient and you'll hear from me.  Thanks for your notes of encouragement and support.  Typing remains a bit of a challenge for me.

5/15 - 5/16  Thursday - Friday

Traveled to Baltimore for a two-day Coast Guard function.  (Strange city - lots history, but it felt like London with lots of rain and cold). 

I had never before experienced what many of my Coast Guard friends call the "Coast Guard family" until now.  Many well-wishers whom I have known or worked with before extended sincere support my way.  I had to expend lots of 'social energy' to keep up with everyone - shaking hands, telling my story, thanking them for their love and prayers...but it was so worth it.

I flew home exhausted Friday night and went straight to a wedding reception for two of our special friends, Kimberly and Jaime.  They were happy, beautiful and looked very anxious to spend the rest of their lives together.  From the back of the room, I reflected on that same wedding moment for Jen and I almost 12 years ago.  I quietly prayed that God would spare them of tragedy...providing His sufficient strength and grace if any difficulty should arise during their long lives together.

I read an article on Lance Armstrong in Outside magazine on the flight home.  He's writing another book called, Every Second Counts, reportedly getting back together with his wife, and training for another Tour de France in July.  He's a tough cookie.

5/12 - 5/14  Monday - Wednesday

Coast Guard work.  Battling long 'To-Do' lists remains a challenge. 

I am a devoted fan of the Coast Guard work in which I'm involved, but I'm actively pursuing my other passions.

5/8 - Thursday

Its 10 p.m. and we just got home from the Corporate Run.  We covered the 3-mile walk in 59 minutes.

I'm physically very tired and sore, but mentally quite relieved.  I had no idea this event would turn into such a "let's do this for Joel" thing.  I'm smiling inside...a bit amused by all the fuss, yet thankful for the support at the same time.  

I was honestly thinking it would just be a nice walk with a few friends to get me "back out there again."  Well the Miami Herald article blew the lid off that idea!  I had so many supportive e-mails and other expressions of encouragement...it just amazed me.  I asked a friend what the big deal was...sort of aware, but then again not.  They said it was probably just good to see someone handling the adversity of cancer in a good, positive way.  I guess if that helps others lighten their load or lift their spirits...then it was a good thing.

This circumstance taught me I'm confused by the limelight cancer can bring.  On one hand, I don't really understand it and am not much interested in it.  But on the other hand - I guess my 15 seconds of fame ought to be used for something worthwhile...talk about cancer...talk about my faith in God...talk about the Coast Guard and the wonderful people that were with me.  Who knows...its all good I guess.

I haven't covered 3 miles in over a year.  Jen made it back from her Bahamas shark trip with 15 minutes to spare...and walked with me.  

Galia and Mike - thanks for hanging with us...I was thankful you were there.  And my hat's off to all the rest of the gang for their support.  Nice job to Greg, our team Captain.  

Cammy Clark, from the Miami Herald Sports section, thanks again for making this a public and wonderful event for me.  I hope to have many more.

I'm smiling inside, but my feet are killing me...so I'm off to bed.  

Good night....God bless you.

5/7 - Wednesday

Here's a link to that newspaper story I mentioned -  www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/sports/5802106.htm 

The journalist who interviewed me has her own amazing story to tell.  She biked around the world, across 6 continents and 41 countries...,it took a year.  She's writing a book about it - soon to be published.  Quite a tale to tell - keep her name in mind and watch for it:  Cammy Clark. 

5/6 - Tuesday

Got interviewed by the local newspaper today.   They got wind I was running/walking a 3 mile race this Thursday with some other Coast Guard folks.  I guess they wanted a human interest story to go along with the race coverage - and my cancer chronicles made things interesting.  They even sent out a photographer.  I told them a photo of a skinny bald guy doesn't sell many newspapers...they just grinned and said that's ok...they were really nice folks. 

Jen's still swimming with the sharks today...I'm holding down the fort.  That means cat duty...:-)

Got a phone call from my doctor (by the way, I added a link to "My Doctor" on the homepage).  He said my tumor marker decreased slightly.  It was never a good indicator of the cancer status - so this news needs to be taken in that context.  But he said nonetheless, downward movement in that number is still a good sign.

Thanks for your prayers.  With every morning that I get to open my eyes, I realize God's got more for me to do.  Mornings are really special for me.  Imagine going to bed at night not knowing if you'll wake up again.  That's how I fall to sleep every night.  Sounds weird, but it its true.  Its o.k. though.  It makes me ensure I've loved who I can love, done what I can do and am at peace with my Lord every single day - one day at a time.  I have no lingering 'To-Do' lists - no more 'I'll get to that tomorrow' anxieties.  Jesus said,  "Who of you by worrying about tomorrow can add one hour to their life...but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."   So that's what I do.  Simple plan.  I'm a simple guy.  Sure I look forward to the future - and sharing many more years with Jen, family and friends.  But I carry no worries anymore about what I didn't get done.  I've got peace, contentment and the assurance that I've done what I can do - and I let God handle the rest.

5/5 - Monday

Sometimes I get tired of writing about my aches and pains from cancer - and just want to talk about life.  This is one of those days.

Today I got a surprise visit from a great friend - Joel Dolbeck.  We caught up and renewed our strong friendship.  Among some of my closest buddies, he and I date back to our days at the Coast Guard Academy ('84-'88).  We don't connect as often as we'd like - I guess that goes for many of us - but we can pick right back up where we left off.  You know the feeling.  Those are good friends.  I have only a handful of those types of friends - and they know who they are...I'd do anything for them.

Joel and I share a unique history.  I've totaled two cars, and he was in one of them with me.  Yep - nothing like rolling over in your buddy's car to truly cement your friendship for all time.

Joel is stationed in Alaska and was passing through town.  Funny thing about Joel - he's sort of a gentle giant.  Big, athletic, outdoors kind of guy, but wouldn't hurt a fly - very likable, many friends.  Well he married a pistol of a girl, Nancy.  She's hilarious and tiny - perfect counterpart to Joel.  Well she jabs at Joel in their annual Christmas card letter - which we all find quite amusing.  Those letters always crack us up.  There always seems to be some sort of event during the previous year that Joel did that she turns into the funniest story.  Remember he's just a grown up Boy Scout, so his adventurous mishaps often become the story.  One year it was a trip to Europe filled with calamity, another year it was Nancy with a newborn driving herself across Canada while Joel flew up to get their Alaska house squared away....with Joel, its always something.

Well he comes over to my house this morning and says, "Guess what?"  

I have no clue - you never know what you're going to get with Joel.

"Nancy is in labor."  He just grinned and shook his head.  

Of course, the baby decides to arrive (a little early) just when Joel takes a trip 2,000 miles from home.  But that's how it is with Joel....you just gotta laugh.

After staring at him and shaking my head, I said - "I think I just learned what's on nnext year's Christmas card letter...Nancy's gonna have a ball with this one."

We laughed, visited for the day and Joel took off for home.  The next morning, he was on an airplane headed for Alaska.

Thanks for stopping by, Joel.  It was great to see you.  And Nancy - go easy on him...:-)

My prayers are with you both.

5/3 - Saturday

Chemo yesterday was a little rough.  It knocked me down more than normal.  We got home at 5 and slept most of the evening and through the night.  Jen was with me and noticed I looked a bit more beat up than usual.  Today is definitely a day of rest. I hurt all over, but confident it won't last too long.  I'm in slow motion and trying to take it easy.  It feels like this fight is a never ending brawl with an invisible foe.  If God wants to allow my faith to be tested, this is certainly doing it.  He remains in control and teaches me more everyday.  Even though this is getting tiring - I just need to remain steadfast and know I'm growing more every day in ways I never imagined.  

There was good news in my blood work - most counts are near pre-cancer levels, meaning this round of chemo is not causing problems in my bone marrow or damaging my immune system nearly as bad as the previous three (3) lines of chemo had done.

All the love, prayers and continued support affect me on a level I can't describe.  This is truly a spiritual battle.  

Mother Teresa once said - "I have learned the paradox, if you love 'till it hurts, the hurt disappears and there is only love."

Thanks for hanging with me.  Like Coach Jim Valvano once said - "Never give up...Don't ever give up."

5/2 - Friday

Chemo #38.

I finished "Armageddon" - latest book in the Left Behind series...wow.

5/1 - Thursday

Jen and I returned from 4 days in Washington D.C.   We combined a Coast Guard business trip with a visit with family.  Many stories to tell.

Pat - thanks for your wonderful hospitality, shared stories until midnight and so many laughs.  Connecting with you again gave me another boost of your amazing energy and zeal for life.  (sorry about the full-strength Starbucks!!)  Though I only got to hear you tickle the ivories for one song - "Oh Danny Boy" never sounded so sweet.

I feel like you and Jen share bonds on so many levels.  Most recently, on a level as caregiver for your soul mate.  You are truly a pillar in you family's foundation...and I am blessed to know you.