This page was last updated 04/05/2005 .

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3/22/05 - Tuesday

Yikes, the thesis deadline approaches.  I'm supposed to be done with the writing by the time my DNA sequences from billfishes (my new PhD projects) come back on Wed or Thurs this week.  I'm on the Results section of the final chapter.  I hear the clock ticking.  My advisor tells me that this is when many grad students decide to quit.  HA, I can see why.  It wouldn't take much for me to just say, "Ok, I think I've done enough, I'll just go look for a job where I don't have to use my brain anymore".

3/21/05 - Monday

I bought this little patio fountain.  Bengal cats like water because the foundation animal for the breed is an Asian Leopard Cat that lives in the jungles of SE Asia and is a fishing cat.  I did not believe the stories of people with bengals who joined them in the shower or tub...until Gracie started joining me for my daily shower.  She just pranced around the shower biting at the water and chirping.  Bengals have different fur than regular cats, it's more a pelt, so the water just beads up and they shake it off.  So, I bought this funny little fountain  with two cherubs pouring jugs of water in to the bowl.  Right away the kittens started playing and splashing in the water.  So I got the bright idea of putting a few feeder goldfish in there for entertainment.  Well, don't call PITA or anything, but they only lasted a few days.  One was MIA after the second day (never did find the body).  One I  found dead in the middle of the patio floor on the fourth day and the other two were mauled to death by Gracie on day five.  Sad, I was getting to like the little fishies.  But the kittens had a ball.

3/20/05 - Sunday

Orchestra job in the morning, thesis in the afternoon.  I did manage a bike ride of course.  Another song for those who have lost loved ones.  Homesick by Mercy Me.  It's awesome.  It makes me cry when I hear it, half sad tears that we're apart for now, half happy tears that Joel is home.  Kittens make me smile and watching "uncle Fang" cracks me up.  He can't decide if he loves them or wants to kill them.

"I love them"                                                    "I want to kill them"

"I love them"                                                            "I want to kill them"

3/19/05 - Saturday

Long run in the morning with the group and a rehearsal after that.  Worked on the thesis the rest of the day.  Skipped church, bummer.  I'm so out of touch with God lately.  I'm just going through a period where I'm so focused on the goal of finishing the master's, that it's hard to find the down time to communicate with HIM.  He got my attention this morning on the way to rehearsal while listening to the Christian station trying to catch a church service on the radio.  The message was on God's love, the same verse that I had inscribed on our grave marker.  That shut down my science brain long enough to listen and appreciate that God loves me even when I go through seasons of selfish focus.  I hope that subtle tap is all He's planning....I really hope He doesn't have to resort a major punch in the head to shake me out of it.  Things will be smoother after the defense...my advisor assures me that it is perfectly normal and very common for grad students to go completely insane when they are very close to finishing the degree.

3/18/05 - Friday

Lab week this week.  Had a little side project come my way that could mean big funding for the lab (and me) in the future, so my boss asked me to halt the thesis and start working on this.  My end of April defense date will likely be end of May now.  No big deal, I have to keep the bigger picture in mind, the masters is just a hoop to jump through to get the PhD which is the more useful degree in my field.  The project is very cool, so I'm ok with the delay.

Kittens are getting huge!  Fang and Taz have resigned themselves to the fact that the little rug rats are not going anywhere anytime soon.  They hardly even growl when the kittens attack their tails.  They just give a half-hearted swipe, which does absolutely nothing to deter the kittens play.  The 'Skyscraper' arrived!  It's wonderful.  All five cats use it, kittens in the penthouse, and Fang in the middle and Taz on the bottom floor.  

3/6/05 - Sunday

Had everyone (Marcy, Debbie, Vince, Patty, Christine, Ted) from the lab over for dinner (almost everyone).  I didn't cook, I've forgotten how, but I'm really good at ordering out.  It was really the first time I've had people over for a truly social (not illness or funeral) related occasion.  It was a big step for me to open up my little sanctuary to let others in.  It was really nice.  The kittens were the main attraction followed by the 'Kitty Litter' cake that Ted and Christine made (complete with tootsie roll turds).  So, I guess I'm slowly re-entering society.  I haven't been a hostess for so long that I forgot that I would need extra utensils, glasses, plates etc, which I had packed away after Joel died.  It was depressing to have too many of those things because I was only one person.  So I just left 4 of everything and put away the rest.  Ooops, there were 7 people...had to go dig out the box just as everyone was ready to eat.  All in all, a nice night.  The highlight of the night was when we caught Taz carrying PC in his mouth across the room.  He had him by the scruff like a momma cat carrying a baby.  We don't know where he was going with him or what he was going to do when he got him there, but it was very funny.  When everybody started laughing Taz dropped him and took off.  I missed Joel a lot!!!  Below are some photos of the gang...some very smart people by the way. 

3/5/05 - Saturday

Took a break from science to go to Tallahassee to teach a fitness certification workshop.  I still do that about once a month, just for a little extra $$$ and to keep in touch with the fitness profession.  I taught at a conference in Feb and had 120 people, whew that was the largest group ever.  

I'm also trying to decide on which races to do this year.  Now that I ride with a group and every ride is a bit competitive and sort of like a race, I don't feel this burning desire to race.  But, I'm sure once I do my first triathlon, I'll catch the bug again.  I've been working so hard on all three sports all winter and I think I should be faster this year, but you never know.  I may do a quarter ironman in Orlando in April just to see how I'm feeling and if I do well, I may train for the USAT Natl Championship in Kansas City this summer.  

3/1/05 - Tuesday

Not a lot going on around here except kitten antics.  I'm still writing the thesis and back in the lab part time working on new projects.  Kittens are doing great, really starting to grow now that they are 4 months old.  They are spoiled rotten and have me fully trained to their liking!  Fang and Taz are extremely tolerant uncles!  They have pretty much resigned themselves to the fact that the kittens are going to play with their tails, no matter how much they growl, or swipe at them.  Spot will stay Spot, no other name popped out at me.  Right now he is curled up with Fang sleeping.  Fang looks only mildly annoyed.  17 months today, I'm feeling ok with the grief.  It's getting easier to imagine a life without Joel.  That doesn't mean I like it, it just means that I'm more accepting of this fate.  I'm not indulging the sadness...even this far out, it would be very easy to shut down and go back into that safe, dark, lonely, but peaceful place that I spent so many months.  I kind of miss that time in a weird way.  No one put any pressure on me to work in the lab or write papers or clean the house or anything.  I just grieved full time as my heart dictated.  Now, life has gotten busy again and I just don't have time to let the sadness slow me down.  I'm sort of ready to break out of this limbo...not completely, just wanting to be happy again.  No, I'm not dating...for some reason I'm getting asked that question a lot lately.  There are a couple reasons:   I'm in love with my husband, I'm not ready, and no one has asked.

Anyway, enough of that stuff, here are cute kitten pics.  They really don't sleep this much, it's just that it's the only time they'll hold still long enough for me to take pictures.

All 3 cat napping on my desk while I work         Napping in the most comfortable chair in the house

Playtime with Uncle Fang                                    Big yawn.

"Hey Mom, could you change the 'sleep number' for us?"