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12/31/04 - New Year's Eve

I spent New Year's Eve with some of Joel's very best friends from high school.  Catherine and Steve hosted Dan and Ellen and Brad and Kytyn at their in-laws home in Naples.  It was great to see everybody.  I can't think of any better group to spend New Year's Eve with this year.   We went out for dinner and then spent the rest of the night around the pool and hot tub playing listening to the 80's radio station and playing "guess the artist".  We did a lot a laughing and it was great to be able to talk about Joel openly with out making anyone uncomfortable.

12/25/04 - Merry Christmas

Quiet day at home with my family.  We all missed Joel very much.  I was the chef, trying desperately to duplicate my Mom's awesome Christmas cooking.  As much as I've lost, I feel fortunate to still have my health, my family and some new friends and Joel's family and all of his (our) friends and a loving God who watches over my life and directs every step I take.  How can one complain?

12/23/04 - Thursday - Happy 39th Birthday Joel!

I'm doing a lot better this year than on Joel's birthday last year.  I rode with my bike group  in the morning and then headed up to my parents for Christmas.  I stopped to see my kittens on the way and spent a couple hours playing with them.  It's impossible to be sad when you are playing with kittens, especially if they will be coming home with you in a couple weeks!  I took a few more (ok about a hundred) photos of them.  The only trouble is that when I sat down to play with them, the little girl (Grace) and the little marbled boy both got in my lap right away!  Little spotted tornado took off for the toys and to harass the older cats.  So I caved and am bringing the little marbled boy home too.  So I'll have 5 cats, what's the big deal?  We had 4 for 8 years with no problem.  It's kind of funny because I set out determined to have 2 beautiful spotted bengal sisters.  What I've picked out...or I should say what picked me...is two boys and a girl, two of which are marbled and the spotted one, well let's just say he'll never be asked to be in a show.  He's not growing out of the 'fuzzies' and has kind of long fur with faint spots...totally Un-bengal.  Oh well, I don't care.  It's better because the breeder might have had trouble finding homes for them because they were not the so called 'desired' look.  Some time in January is the expected arrival date.  They have to be neutered and have all their shots and a health check up and be at least 12 weeks old before the breeder will let them come home.

Here are my 3 little ones at 8 weeks playing with toys they got for Christmas.  The bigger cat is a 'teenager' from a previous litter.

Here's the little spotted wild boy with his captured 'prey'. He hangs on with his teeth and you can lift him right up off the floor with the toy and he still hangs on.  All cat owners should go to Pet Smart and get this toy.  It's a wand with raffia on the end and after watching these cats, even the older cats were going wild over it, I bought one for Taz and Fang and they love it.  Even Fang will chase it around the house.   I have to keep it in a drawer when we're not playing with it because they'll go after it non stop. 

Here's Grace with her favorite new toy.  She drags it around the room and growls at anyone who comes close.  She has such pretty fur markings.

Here's the little surprise boy that captured my heart.  He's very precious.

12/22/04 - Wednesday

I have kitten news...I'm "expecting"!  After a very long search and many visits to breeders around south Florida, I was "chosen" by a pair of 7 week old kittens on Sunday.  I actually found another pair that are already 4 months old that I loved as much, but I don't see how I can handle 6 cats in this house!  So I had to make the agonizing decision between them.  I chose the younger ones because I'll be able to visit them every week until they are ready to come home with me at 12 weeks.  I had visited this same litter a couple weeks back and was very comfortable with the breeder and the way she treats her kitties.  The kittens were very playful and after about an hour of chasing each other around the room and trying to "attack" the   older cats, they started to wind down and a little girl with marbled fur climbed into my lap and fell asleep.  When I tried to put her back in her bed with her siblings, she just howled and kept climbing back in my lap.  Sooo, I was in love right away and for those few minutes all my problems disappeared.  I think her name will be "Amazing Grace".  I'll call her Grace (thanks Tash).  She has a spotted brother who is a terror.  He'll be the perfect play mate for Taz and maybe Fang will have some peace in his golden years and be able to go to the litter box without worry of ambush.  These are the photos.  The little spotted boy would not slow down long enough to get a good picture.  He's going through the fuzzy stage and we won't get a good idea of what his coat will look like for a few more weeks.  I have no idea what to name him.  I have a feeling he'll be a handful!  He's very funny, he stands right in the middle of his water bowl to drink and then he runs around soaking wet and doesn't even notice. 

Grace at 7 weeks...one of her marbled brothers in my lap too.  I think he wants to come home with me too.

Little spotted boy in action just after ripping Pooh's nose and paw off.

I want them all!

12/16/04 - Thursday

Still not feeling in the Christmas spirit.  There is a constant aching feeling that just never lets up.  I'm not only mourning for Joel, I realize, but I'm mourning our past and the future that will not happen.  That's a lot to carry around every day.  The only thing that really makes me smile these days is a visit to a bengal cat breeder.  I saw one over the weekend and she had a little boy kitten that started purring and snuggling me as soon as I picked him up...of course he was already adopted.  Oh well, the right ones will come my way.  I'll see two more this weekend.  Fang and Taz have no idea that their serene world is about to be turned upside down by two crazy kittens.  

12/6/04 - Monday

Flute gigs all weekend.  Found a great bengal breeder that I visited on Saturday.  Her cats are her pets, not just her business.  She had a litter of 5 week old kittens that were adorable.  I spent an hour playing with them, while the Momma cat watched from the patio.   The kittens climbed all over me and untied my shoes and chewed on my jeans and chewed on each other.  They looked very healthy and happy and live with their human family and their momma cat, who is very lovable.  I even met the dad, but he was already busy winning the heart of his next feline conquest.  I get a great feeling from the breeder and she treats her cats like I do!  I will probably end up getting my kittens from her, it's just a matter of when.  If not from this litter, then from the next.

I'm missing Joel so much.  Every time I hear a Christmas song, it reminds me of all our Christmases together either up in Minnesota with his family, or here in Florida with mine.  I can't help but wonder if Christmas will ever be wonderful again.

12/1/04 - Wednesday

I spent this 14 month anniversary at 6 pm running with a group I joined to improve my race pace...very appropriate way to be close to Joel!  After the work out I went to see some baby bengals.  Even though I wanted to bring them all home, I was not that comfortable with the breeder.